Saturday, October 22, 2005

How to build software

Whilst playing poker against my girlfriend last night, and consuming the odd Jack Daniels or three, she told me a story. Now I'm going to tell it you...

"Once upon a time, there was a very rich man. He gave two builders a million pounds each, and told them to build the perfect house and they had 6 months to do it. The builders went away, and time passed.

Later that year, the rich man returned and said to the builders, "Have you each built me my perfect house?" to which they both replied "Why don't you come and see?"

The rich man went to the first house and it looked magnificent. Massive oak doors throughout, marble on every floor, long sweeping staircases, towers and spires stretching towards the sky, more rooms than Buckingham Palace, swimming pools, gadgets and gizmos - stunning! The rich man nodded, and said to the second builder, "I'd like to see the house you built".

The second builder took the rich man down the road, to a far smaller house. It didn't have as many rooms and hardly any stairs. It had no marble floors or oak doors, nor swimming pools. The rich man nodded. He turned to the first builder. "My", he said, "Your house certainly looks the most perfect house ever. As payment, I'll let you keep that house." The first builder went away, to tell his wife to start packing.

The rich man turned to the second builder, and paid him for his time and effort. The second builder, looking downcast, thanked the rich man and turned to leave. The rich man reached out a hand to stop him. "Why do you look so downcast?" he asked.

"I've been a builder for 25 years, sir", the second builder said, "man and boy. Each part of that house was lovingly built by craftsmen I know and trust. They worked hard to ensure everything that one built fitted with what the next built, be that a window in a wall, or a handle on a door. I spent time with you, sir, finding out about what you liked and didn't, what you wanted and what you actually needed. Everything in that house works perfectly, will last a lifetime, and is everything that you asked for. So I'm very sad that I lost, sir."

"Lost?" said the rich man, "Lost? But you won my friend! I'm moving in tomorrow. This house is exactly what I needed." The first builder was confused. "So why did you give the other builder the house as payment?"

"Well", the rich man, "I don't like marble, and I can't swim. With just me and my wife, I don't need all those rooms! And nothing seemed to fit with anything else, either physically or in look. I turned the hot tap on, and cold water came out. I turned the TV on, and the lights went out. He can have it - it doesn't join together, the foundations look shoddy, the architecture is a mess and the basic utilities don't work. He obviously never tested them - it will cost a fortune to rewire. And another fortune for me to change the decor to what I want. And we'd never use the first floor, let alone those towers, with all those stairs - you know my wife suffers with her hip. Within a year, that house will have cost so much to maintain, and have so many patches all over it, he'll never be able to sell it. No, it is you I must thank sir, for you have built me exactly what I needed, and everything I wanted. This is my perfect house. I'll be recommending you to all of my friends!"

The second builder felt the warm rush of pleasure in a job well done. He shook the rich mans hand, thanked him politely, got into his van and drove happily towards the setting sun."

I've spent years learning about analysis, designing and building software, testing, selling, project management - trying to become a better professional. Turns out my girlfriend knew about it all along. And she learnt it in Sunday school. Still, I did win at poker...

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